Movie Review + Haiku: The Hobbit

the-hobbit_2409864kLet me start by saying that I’m not sure if I read the book or not. I think I did- I recall borrowing a copy from someone once when I was 11 or so, and back then I read every book I could get my hands on- but I can’t remember. I also vaguely recall an illustrated children’s edition at some point my life, though emphasis on vaguely.

I feel like I should say that because it seems that the people who loved the book hated the movie (my friend James is an exception) and I’m not a Tolkien fangirl. Sorry, Hobbit heads. You seem to have a good time, like the people who are obsessed with Doctor Who, which apparently everyone and their mother has watched but me including mine (really, my mom’s a big fan of the Doctor).*

Anyway, yes, I guess this is my way of saying I liked the movie. I really did! I don’t know, it was fun. I saw the previous Lord of the Rings movies in the theaters with my family at Christmas time, so it was nice to do that again.

Real talk: I’m not usually a fan of films with fighting or explosions- action movies, I suppose. The very things that keep many people interested- carnage, fire, near death experiences- bore me. I have a much easier time paying attention in a little sometimes-funny, sometimes-sad talky indie than Explosionpalooza. I just need to connect, you know? I’m one of those people. I don’t want to detach, I want to feel.

But, as I’m sure you’re screaming at your computer screen right now, The Hobbit isn’t an action movie, it’s fantasy! It is, totally, I know, but I still think of it as action-y, thus my potential to fall asleep, but like Harry Potter and Star Wars, I felt it. In this case, it was Gandalf being like, BILBO DO SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE, and me being all, This is hitting too close to home, Gandaaaaalf. So there was that and now in 2013, I’m going to hop across the country on a pogo stick once I find one in the right color (a nice shade of cerulean). Or perhaps something less extreme. My sense of balance is a little off. But the name of the game is CHANGE, kiddos, and not the kind that rolls around the bottom of my purse with broken pens and receipts of regret, but the kind that makes your stomach feel nervous and excited at the same time.

Other notes: I like dwaves. I don’t like orcs. I’m indifferent about elves. I was surprisingly charmed by trolls (??) and not surprisingly repulsed by goblins. I still love hobbits. I’m trying to like Gollum.

The only other thing worth noting was that I did not know this was only the first of three films, so I was all WAIT A SECOND when the movie ended with a close up of the dragon’s eye. But of course it’s three movies. I should have guessed. Rule of threes.

So, see this if you think you’ll like it or don’t if you think you won’t. Peter Jackson’s not giving me a cut of it, so do whatever the little creature in your chest cavity tells you to do.

*A month or so ago, a bouncer at a bar in Columbus, Ohio, gave me a hard time for not watching Doctor Who. This was after I also admitted to not watching True Blood or the Walking Dead**, so I guess the rule of the threes just got to him. I’ll get around to it eventually at some point, probably while stricken with mono or a broken heart and out of commission for weeks.

**No, I haven’t watched those either. I’m the worst with TV, and really, I’m okay with that.